Disappointment

What do I do? What do we do? What is left for me to do? Having hope and having it ripped to pieces like a piece of paper hurts. It leaves you to wonder what will happen next. I thought only of the worst possible cases that came to mind.
Finding out that my last surgery was canceled because it was growing again and it would not help to have the lung surgery. If I had gone through with the surgery I would have been putting myself in danger.
With a two hour drive home I was in denial trying to come to terms with it. My eyes burned with the tears that began to run down my cheeks. Not knowing what would happen next I thought just of the words the doctor said. Phrases like "rare cancer", "it's growing really fast", and "it's growing over the pulmonary valve" leaves me with fear and sadness that drowns my body in chaos.
Finding out that my surgery was canceled really did hurt. I was devastated and had no idea what would happen next. the fact that synovial sarcoma is very rare means that they really have no way in really helping me. It is a trial and error experiance that fills youup with mixed emotions.
At the time the first chemotherapy may work with your body, but after the first cycle which is like six to nine treatments your body can become immune to the treatment, in other words it will no longer work.
What is the meaning of life? What is my purpose? i wonder how i will ever be a normal teen or fulfill a meaningful life. I know I am strong but I do get shaken up. I will regain my strength I MUST.