Thursday, January 21, 2010

My Thoughts

Since middle school I've always felt neglected. I began to feel the need for attention. It wasn't the attention of a diva but of a child who needs to know she's loved.

Throughout school, I realized teachers spend a lot of their time on students who don't achieve or work at the expected level. I was concerned, more upset to be specific by the lack of communication from my counselors. Students would always be sent to talk to their counselors but I was never invited. Of course these meetings weren't dealing with excellent behavior and academic achievement, it was quite the opposite, yet I wanted to be spoken to.

At first I believed I may just be a little selfish but eventually I recognized my need for others acknowledgement goes further. My parents did not go further than grade school and have never told me to do my work. But for some unknown reason my siblings and I have done academically well. We have all had the opportunity to be a part of elite honor classes. My brother hasn't yet, but I consider the GATE program to be sufficient for elementary.

I know I'm veering off topic but I will make my point. It all comes down to my desire of being recognized for being me. I think I am fortunate to have the opportunities I've had given to me, and to understand things maturely. But my fathers lack of seriousness and affection has caused me to stay away from communicating with him. He can never praise me for doing my best, instead he accuses me of lying. My counselor can never call me in and say, "you're doing well, may I help you with anything?"

And the kind of person I am makes it worst. Because I will never ask for what I want. I will always expect it and silently review the many mistakes I wish I could change. I accept that counselors are busy people and that my father is just not an emotional guy. My point is that people who are achieving need attention too.


  1. I see your point. And sorry to say that in grade school, I was the one getting called in!

    Screw those attention grabbing naughty kids! :)
    But the fact that you've done super good in school without praise from your dad shows that your strong and these days YOU need to flock towards the counselors and what not. It won't make you an attention diva, just someone who wants a compliment now & then. We all want that!

    Here, I'll give you one:

    Samantha, your hekka smart and always helping me like a mom & your hair is always perfect!

    te amo<3

  2. She's absolutely right, Sam. You are always there for everyone else, and you're just a great person. You talk about not getting much praise or attention, but I think you learned from that.

    You're constantly complimenting others and giving everyone else attention. You even came up with the tribute thing to spread appreciation. I think you want to give us what you didn't think you had.

    THAT makes you a great person. You want the best for everybody, even when you don't expect it for yourself. Carina is absolutely right. You aren't a diva. You just want to feel appreciated. Like Carina said, "We all want that!"

    Love you Sam, you always put a smile on my face.