MY MONSTER :D

Its October and most kids maybe scared of witches and goblins and the monsters. There mainly fears of what can possibly go wrong if you come to meet one face to face. For me there's a different fear.
You may know that I have cancer and well its a fight everyday. I have to try and maintain my weight so it doesn't drop. When one has cancer we cant get sick what so ever. We aren't allowed to go to closed rooms that can hold in germs, like churches or classrooms or movie theaters, for all these outings we have to take precautions.
For these outings we were masks, we carry hand sanitizer, wipes, sometimes hats like if its sunny, it has become a routine. But these are little things that after a while don't bother you or you adjust.
The fear of getting sick or not being healthy can usually be an issue. If we get sick with even the slightest fever we need to call the hospital and go to an emergency room. Now if I got really sick I don't even want to think about it :).
But for me these are still not my big fears. My big fear just recently came to me. I will have to undergo surgery on Friday if I am healthy enough.
Not that having the surgery is bad, it will remove most of the tumor and almost have me cured except for the bit that are in my lungs. But for this I also need a hip replacement.
But just thinking of the word surgery fills my head with doubt and fear. I believe that I fear this more then I did admitting I had cancer. All that runs through my head are all the possibilities of something going wrong or not being able to go back to a normal activity routine. Which I shouldn't worry because the possibilities are all under 5%. But that 5% scares you like if it were a 50% :).
The upside to this is all the stories of people I hear who go through the surgery are fine and go about there normal activities living a normal life.
So even though we all have fears our fears differ because we all have different monsters.