Friday, October 16, 2009

You Never Get To Actually Know Someone

My bestfriend was actually my worst enemy. I would have never imagined him hurting me the way he did. Out of nowhere he changed dramatically, and changed more than I would have ever thought. I look at my past , and wished he was the same sweet boy I met in 3rd grade. It's really sad because now he's into drugs, and doesnt care about himself or others. I honestly remember, him saying " I will never do drugs". He even got kicked out of two highschools, and is now in an alternative school.The saddest part of all he is only a sophomore.

I don't even understand my siblings. The only person anyone will ever get to "really" know is themselves, and even that is sometimes difficult to find. I have hurt others because they thought they knew me and I did something no one ever thought i would do.

In the past year I was on and off with this boy. I put him before everything, and I then became less focused. I even lost my desire for school, and started falling down the drain. Wow! It is heartbreaking that I actually igored my best and closest friends for this person. I sneaked out of my house because my parents didn't approve. I didn't care about anyone except myself. I lost everything just to be with a person. I started throwing my life away. I honestly didn't really have friends in the past seven months because i ditched them all. I even ditched myself.

I look back and wonder why i changed for someone else. I am me, and I should have never left my old life. Now I am trying to go back to it, but everytime I walk by the boy, I feel a sense of insecurity, and i feel like that old puppet that i once was. I am very fortunate that all my friends forgave me, and i am ready to get back to that smart girl who would cry if she got anything lower than a B.

In my opinion the only person you can rely on is yourself.


  1. you're absolutely right in most cases, except for your last sentence. You can rely on me. :)

  2. I completly agree. In high school you should be focusing on your studies rather than on a guy. Though it seems important at the time, you will see that thier not really worth changing. More often than you know your friends are there for you. Usually if thier a good friend they stick by you through thick and thin. Don't be so quick to assume that they're no longer there for you!